Praise Mediocrity! $100 Billion Ab InBev, SABMiller Merger Approved By Shareholders

by Ryan Hudak on Sep 29, 2016 in Beer

Mimicking my thought process at a Chinese buffet, Anheuser-Busch InBev is making a massive push towards “quantity over quality” with a $100 billion acquisition of SABMiller.  This will give the massive company control of 27% of global watered-down beer production, which is a level of mediocrity heretofore unseen in the beer world.

In order to appease international regulators and avoid monopolizing the "shitty beer" industry, the company had to sell off some of its brands before the sale would be approved by its shareholders.  It reads like the domestic and international beer list at your local Applebee’s: Molson Coors will take over AB’s 58% interest in MillerCoors, LLC (giving the company 100% control), and Asahi Group will take over global rights to Peroni and Grolsch.  AB InBev will also sell off what would probably be its finest macro-pilsner, Pilsner Urquell.

What does this mean for the future of beer in our beloved country?  Probably not much.  This massive new venture will continue to churn out sub-par beer, but will focus on expanding in other underserved countries, especially targeting a growing market in Africa.  Other than buying up craft breweries here and there instead of trying to make good beer themselves—things will probably remain relatively unchanged. 

Additionally, chances are if you’re reading a site like this, you’re probably not drinking a whole lot of Bud Light anyway.  So keep doing the lord’s work and drinking local craft beer.  Fight the good fight, and maybe once the rest of the world catches on, this brewing behemoth will collapse under the weight of its own bloated beer belly.  Unless Africa really likes Lime-A-Ritas.  That’s when we should start to worry.

Photo via Flickr user Thomas Hawk


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