When it comes to drinking holidays, there’s none that can hold a candle to St. Patrick’s Day. On a day of this magnitude—especially one of such cultural importance—it’s always good to be mindful of what is and is not appropriate. We interviewed five Baltimore bartenders on their take of the Dos and Don’ts of St. Patrick’s Day.

Eoin Gallagher, the bar manager at Ryan’s Daughter Irish Pub in Belvedere Square, is an authentic Irishman through and through. He starts us off with some very practical advice: On a day where 250 people might crowd into the bar, it’s helpful to both the bar staff and to the rest of the customers if you have a card ready to start a tab. Even if you’re a regular at your pub, this is a day that gets busy and confusing fast. And when it does get that busy, Gallagher says it helps tremendously if you also have your drink orders ready. Your bartenders want you to be able to start enjoying the holiday as soon as possible, and this little courtesy can go a long way.

Lastly, Gallagher asks that you don’t expect special treatment. You might want your Kilkenny in the same glass you always get, but man up and take the plastic cup today. “There’s a reason,” Gallagher says ominously, thinking of the disasters that can befall a day so crazy.

Jereme Kreft, bartender at Ryan’s Daughter, is quick to chime in with his own advice. “Don’t ask for green beer,” he says with a look of exasperation. He was even more exasperated sharing his favorite line for the day: “Do you have Guinness?” If the “Irish” in the pub’s name doesn’t give that secret away, the identical, side-by-side taps should be a good clue.

Bernard Lyons, the bar manager at Bertha’s Mussels in Fells Point, is no stranger to the holiday himself. Lyons, who spent half his life in Ireland, admits that green hats and green drinks are more American than anything else, but like Kreft, he has no time for the green beer. Don’t ask him to pour you one. More importantly though, don’t even think about mentioning an Irish car bomb in his company.

“It’s a stupid drink with a stupid name,” Lyons laments, “and a waste of a good Guinness.” The drink, which takes its name from a type of improvised explosive device used during the Troubles in Ireland, is often considered a tasteless jab at a serious problem still fresh in the memories of many Irish people.

But don’t let that discourage you—there’s still plenty of good drink to be had. In addition to green beer, Lyons insists that you do order a Guinness. Served at cellar temperature, as it is at Bertha’s, it’s a frothy delight to be cherished by any true Irishman at heart. In addition, Lyons recommends the whiskeys Powers and Paddy’s, which pack the same punch as Jameson at a more reasonable cost.

A few blocks away at the Wharf Rat, bartender Craig Chasis tells us where he’ll be this St. Patrick’s day: “Hiding.” He says the holiday is one where you won’t find a single bartender enjoying his day off at a bar. If you want to celebrate your Irish heritage in a relaxing way, stay home. We know this isn’t practical advice for our readers, so Chasis does add that Fells Point—while still busy—is relatively tame compared to Canton.

Paul Kuza, bar manager at Canton’s Claddagh Pub, had no qualms verifying that claim. If you’re looking for a day where bumping into each other is met with smiles rather than leers, a St. Patrick’s Day at this Irish pub is right for you. It’s a wild day that starts early with plenty of giveaways for those brave enough to enter the busy square where Claddagh Pub is located.

Still, Kuza offers the same advice he’d offer any other day: Have fun and enjoy your beer, "just so long as the beer doesn’t come back up.”

Photos: Flickr user magicrobot; and Matthew Ferguson